The Hundred Dollar Hobby

So You Want to Buy a Comic

You’ve done it. You’ve reached the tier of nerddom that requires you to be really, really into superheroes. Instead of becoming self-aware and trying to get to the bottom of just why you are so thrilled with any and all little boy crime-fighters and the psychological implications of such, you are going to buy some comics. Maybe even a few comics, trade paperback style and in a series. Maybe they’ll even be about little boy god dammit, stop putting all those Robin comics on your list!

Your Google search history, moments before the police arrive.

 But if you’re going to commit to the comic buying process, you’re going to have to have a plan. So, like all classy heroes, pull on your multicoloured spandex tights and strap on your unnecessary belts of pouches–it’s hobbying time! And, like all great things on the internet, it can be executed in 5 simple steps:

So Your Degree is Probably Worthless

How to Survive Post-Undergrad after Majoring in the Arts

You are sitting on a park bench.  While you are wearing neither a jumpsuit nor catching the eye of any monotone passer-by, you are indeed in a park, and you are indeed sitting on a bench. Your head is in your hands, your face turned downwards. Children point at you and mothers hiss dire warnings in muted tones: “Never be like that deplorable bench-sitter!”

You heave a great, world weary sigh. A single thought replays endlessly in your mind, consuming your entire being:

Why, oh why, did I think this was a good idea?

Congratulations! You are an art student! You have every right to be crushed by the overwhelming sense of fear and regret, because you have earned it. Boy, have you earned it. You are just an awful human being. But worry not, dear reader, because this guide will teach you how to deal with life beyond the institution (academic, that is) in 5 easy steps!

Minecrafting Madness

The Worst Decision Ever

It’s eight p.m. on a Saturday and you have just bought and downloaded a copy of Minecraft for your computer. You have resisted its blocky siren call for just long enough, you think, and you are ready to play this game until it seriously cannot physically be played any more. Your hand rests, quivering, on your mouse–you are ready to start what you will soon know to be your spiraling descent into gaming hell.

Too bad it’s just a mere two weeks before your finals. Oops!

Well, it’s too late to turn back the hands of time now. It’s not like you could simply not play the game until winter break. That is foolish logic for foolish people, and you are neither of those things. In fact, you are on your way to becoming a god.

A god of Minecraft, that is, and you can achieve it in just 5 easy steps:

The Gremlin of Caffeine

So You Just Drank Too Much Coffee

Your heart beats rapidly against your chest, your breath comes quick and shallow. You can’t stop shaking and your mind is a chaotic mess of madness.

No, you are not going to die. Probably. If you do think you are going to die, please consult my previous guide* for prompt and useful help.

In actuality, you have just imbibed too much caffeinated liquid (and oh, how delicious a liquid it is) and are now experiencing a caffeine high. It’s a tough hurdle to pass, but it is manageable, and it can be done in 5 simple steps:

Growling Tummies are not Conducive to Studies

The Pit of the Beast

It’s two o’clock and you smell delicious, delicious French fries. The scent wafts over the faint breeze oozing through the poorly sealed windows, curling in your nostrils and making your stomach growl in desire. Like Pavlov’s dog, you start to salivate uncontrollably. You really, really want those mystery fries.

Too bad you’re stuck in class.

My Adventures in Knitting

The Purple Python of Pathos

A couple of months ago, I suddenly acquired knitting as a hobby. It wasn’t intentional, of course–it never is with my hobbies–but rather born of necessity: it was essential that I make a scarf. Why? Because I am a terrible, terrible masochist and I aim for some level of accuracy in my costuming (also, I do costuming. Surprise! And here you thought I was actually cool*). Consequently, I ended up having to make an eight foot long striped scarf. Keep in mind, this was the first time I’d ever knitted anything, let alone this veritable python of purple.

The good news is that it was only about half the disaster you would probably have predicted, considering my former self-imposed title as Queen of Suck (that’s the bad news, but it is also the true news). I even managed to finish the vile thing.

*That thought has probably never occurred to you. Not even once.

Survival 101: Bear Confrontation Tactics

So You’re Going to Fight a Bear

 Have you ever been alone in the woods? Yes, of course you have. You are a strong, competent reader, capable of individual thought and crucial tent tactics. Do you catch and kill your own meals? Does the scent of charred salmon flesh bring a manly tear to your eye?

No?

Well, then. Do you own a shotgun?

Still no?

Have you ever been mauled by a bear?

Aww, he only wants a huAUUUGHH MY FACE

Wait, wait. Save your no’s, because you will be, unless you follow these 3 simple steps*:

Successfully Studious

How to Survive a Deadline

With midterms and projects looming on the not-so-distant horizon, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff you have to do. I often have such problems of stuff-ness, and have consequently been forced to develop a patented system of steps with which I can deal with it all. Without further ado, here is the proper method in which to succeed at school (and therefore, life):

The Doctor is In

How to Avoid the Plague like the Plague

Fall means flu. In fact, fall means a lot of things. It means colourful leaves and pumpkins and hot apple cider. It also means mildew and damp cold and violent expulsions of phlegm. All is not lost, however, because here are five sure-fire tactics in avoiding the autumn bluhs: